Bad News

I hate Disney World! Disney World has been a thorn in my side for the last 20 years. Now that I'm caught up in the current economic crisis, I just plain despise it.

Disney World is a glaring example of all my failures in life. It is the grand summary of all my personal failures in my career and with my family. To my in-laws, the number of times you have taken your children to Disney World are like ticks on the ruler of success. The more times you have gone, the more successful you are. To suburban children, a parent that has not taken them to Disney World is no better than one that has not provided them with food and shelter.

 Everyone knows, all "good" parents take their kids to Disney World. My kids have never come out and asked me why they have never gone. But I know that when their cousins return with a fresh pair of rat ears, they are thinking about what a failure I am.  The fact of the matter is that I just could never afford the trip. I once priced it out at $5,000.  We have managed family vacations to New Hampshire every summer but never out of New England. $5,000 for a one week vacation is just out of my reach.

I like to think that the memories my children have of our summers in New Hampshire are every bit as joyful as, say, my brother-in-law the big-shot executive's family has of their eight trips to Disney World (did I mention that he was laid off after 22 years at the same company ? (hee hee hee).

Such is the life of a single income family. Some might consider my children fortunate to have their mother stay home with them full-time. We made the decision 22 years ago that my wife would stay home with the children and we would survive on my income. Now, I don't even have an income and their friend's parents are still managing to their friends to Disney World.

I don't mean to sound bitter, but I would like to de-frost Walt Disney and feed him to my pet Burmese Python, Kujo! Why do I have a pet Burmese Python? That's a good question. I used to have this problem with my neighbors that ignored the leash-law and let their dogs to run freely around the neighborhood. The dogs used to crap all over my lawn. Not anymore! No more free roaming dogs, cats, raccoons or any other small mammal. But I digress ....

So I've just made an executive decision. I am officially going to boycott Disney World! The reason that I'm not taking my family to Disney World this year is because I am boycotting it. And to those of you that do go, do me a favor. Buy a big bag of popcorn; some soda; maybe a caramel apple; and just dump it all over Main Street USA. Stomp it into the pavement, make a real mess!

I had applied for a job through a head hunter. It was one of those situations where the head hunter refuses to tell you what the name of the company is until they "qualify" you. Normally, this is something I refuse to go along with. If I have no interest in the company why should I waste my time selling myself to a recruiter? Also, if I was already submitted for the job the recruiter cannot submit me again.

But, in this economy I decided to go along with it. I was "qualified" and submitted to the company. The recruiter heard back from them today. They said that they were looking for someone with LESS experience then me. Mother f******!

The salary for the job was not bad (at least from what the recruiter told me). In the old economy, the worry was that an experienced guy would take a job and then leave when he or she found a new one. I spoke with a career coach yesterday who told me that companies are taking advantage of the current situation by hiring people they normally would not be able to get. This makes sense to me. If I was hiring, I would try to get the best person I could.

"We are looking for someone with less experience" was the exact quote. What a bunch of crap!

(Craig and Javed ...crap is not a swear!)

Welcome to the first entry of my stinking blog. I am glad that you are here. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "He didn't mean that". Well, yes I did. That is exactly what I meant. The thing is, misery loves company. The more of you losers there are; the less I (King Loser)  feel alone. Therefore, the current headlines about the fall of the economy and all the people that lost jobs just gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Okay, I am joking about that. I would never wish what I call "unexpected unemployment" on my worst enemy. There are few things more painful than being notified you are just a number to your company. I think the last time I got laidoff, they called it a "riff". That was the politically correct term that the cheerful HR representatives used. I wanted to shove a "riff" right up her....... but I digress.

Just the fact that I'm taking the time to write this blog shows what a caring human being I really am. A prince of a guy...no a King. Because, as bad you might feel for being laid off, and as unfair and unfortunate a situation it may be, when you read about my experience you at least will know your life could have turned out worse. And that is my gift to you, fellow loser.

In this blog I will tell you about my life's experiences with "unexpected unemployment". I will also mix my postings with articles I have found that are relevant to the topic at hand. I promise you that everything I write in this blog is true. Aside from my profile picture, the events depicted here are all true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

As a point of reference I will tell you my age. I am 50 years old. Oh man, that hurts to say. I never would've imagined that at 50 years old I would be at a point where I had to be worrying about economic survival.

I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts. When I was a kid I was a pretty average student, kind of average looking and not very athletic. In high school, for some reason I became very interested in photography. I really wanted to be a  photographer. Coming from a middle-class Jewish background, when I told my parents I wanted to be a photographer they offered me two choices. Go to college or we will have you killed. I decided to take door number two (and for those of you my age, you know the reference). I did go to college.

If you went to college, I'm sure you knew many people who picked ridiculous majors. Majors that we all knew they couldn't possibly find a job in. Psychology, Art Russian Literature, Poetry... ridiculous majors. I was much more practical. I decided to become a Marine Biologist.

So now you're thinking, "what does this have to do with being laid off"? I'm getting to that. When I was 18, I got the biggest career break I would ever get in my life. While Marine Biology majors around the world were accepting jobs selling tropical fish, I literally fell into one of the most prestigious jobs in the field of Marine Biology. I worked for the next two years for one of the top shark researchers in the world. I was living in Miami and working in Key Biscayne. Much of my time was spent in the Florida Keys.  During the infamous "Blizzard of 78", I was spreading Coppertone all over the bare back of an 18 year old beach-babe. Life was good.

One day, while lying back under the Rickenbacker Causeway I was watching the pelicans hit the water and scoop up fish. To my right, was a group of young college girls romping about in small bikinis. It was at that moment that my now, 19-year-old brain decided it would be a good idea to move back to the frigid temperatures of New England and get a job at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute. Believe it or not, that is exactly what I did. I got a job, at 19 years old, at (arguably) the most prestigious Marine Biology center in the world.

I moved back to New England and started my job at Woods Hole. One week later, the government (run by that peanut eating schmuck, Jimmy Charter) cancelled the grant that was funding my project. I was laid off.

That was my first experience with a layoff.