Welcome to the first entry of my stinking blog. I am glad that you are here. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "He didn't mean that". Well, yes I did. That is exactly what I meant. The thing is, misery loves company. The more of you losers there are; the less I (King Loser)  feel alone. Therefore, the current headlines about the fall of the economy and all the people that lost jobs just gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Okay, I am joking about that. I would never wish what I call "unexpected unemployment" on my worst enemy. There are few things more painful than being notified you are just a number to your company. I think the last time I got laidoff, they called it a "riff". That was the politically correct term that the cheerful HR representatives used. I wanted to shove a "riff" right up her....... but I digress.

Just the fact that I'm taking the time to write this blog shows what a caring human being I really am. A prince of a guy...no a King. Because, as bad you might feel for being laid off, and as unfair and unfortunate a situation it may be, when you read about my experience you at least will know your life could have turned out worse. And that is my gift to you, fellow loser.

In this blog I will tell you about my life's experiences with "unexpected unemployment". I will also mix my postings with articles I have found that are relevant to the topic at hand. I promise you that everything I write in this blog is true. Aside from my profile picture, the events depicted here are all true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

As a point of reference I will tell you my age. I am 50 years old. Oh man, that hurts to say. I never would've imagined that at 50 years old I would be at a point where I had to be worrying about economic survival.

I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts. When I was a kid I was a pretty average student, kind of average looking and not very athletic. In high school, for some reason I became very interested in photography. I really wanted to be a  photographer. Coming from a middle-class Jewish background, when I told my parents I wanted to be a photographer they offered me two choices. Go to college or we will have you killed. I decided to take door number two (and for those of you my age, you know the reference). I did go to college.

If you went to college, I'm sure you knew many people who picked ridiculous majors. Majors that we all knew they couldn't possibly find a job in. Psychology, Art Russian Literature, Poetry... ridiculous majors. I was much more practical. I decided to become a Marine Biologist.

So now you're thinking, "what does this have to do with being laid off"? I'm getting to that. When I was 18, I got the biggest career break I would ever get in my life. While Marine Biology majors around the world were accepting jobs selling tropical fish, I literally fell into one of the most prestigious jobs in the field of Marine Biology. I worked for the next two years for one of the top shark researchers in the world. I was living in Miami and working in Key Biscayne. Much of my time was spent in the Florida Keys.  During the infamous "Blizzard of 78", I was spreading Coppertone all over the bare back of an 18 year old beach-babe. Life was good.

One day, while lying back under the Rickenbacker Causeway I was watching the pelicans hit the water and scoop up fish. To my right, was a group of young college girls romping about in small bikinis. It was at that moment that my now, 19-year-old brain decided it would be a good idea to move back to the frigid temperatures of New England and get a job at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute. Believe it or not, that is exactly what I did. I got a job, at 19 years old, at (arguably) the most prestigious Marine Biology center in the world.

I moved back to New England and started my job at Woods Hole. One week later, the government (run by that peanut eating schmuck, Jimmy Charter) cancelled the grant that was funding my project. I was laid off.

That was my first experience with a layoff.